| I dreamed... |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|08:55 am] |
I dreamed that I was being chased by LRP monsters, so really just some guys with giant head piece things on to make them look like monsters. So I made OTHER LRP monsters for random passers by to wear and distract the other ones.
Merry Christmas all! I recieved tshirts and much fabric and ate much food. Sherlock Holmes I really enjoyed and then successfully drove in the correct lane at 110km for three hours and DID NOT DIE. Sometimes that's a more awesome fact than at other times. |
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| May as well be midnight gardening |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|01:11 am] |
In preparation for my jaunt in the bush I've had to plant a few things that have been struggling in their pots in the heat.
( Read more... )
Today I woke up snappy and waspish. Low mood - 2/10.
I went to the gym and everything picked up. 7/10 mood. Suddenly I found motivation to cook dinner (lasagna of all things) and get into the yard.
Tomorrow Dace is being abducted early by his grandparents who are showing him off at Crown (*shudder*, I can't think of anything worse), but that gives me the day free to clean like a mad thing. Definitely hit the gym again for another 30 minutes on the treadmill interval training, some rowing, and a quick light and easy weight circuit.
I'm thinking about joining the 'Get Foxy' challenge in Feb - but it goes for three months, taking us to May and I'm due in June. A very pregnant hannah at the gym is a disaster waiting to happen I'm sure. But the doc cleared me for exercise saying I could do whatever I damn well please until 24wks. Then I have to stop with the weights (or reduce to practically nothing), and go easier on the cardio - obviously because I'll have the lung capacity of a paraplegic lemur.
The challenge involves a PT session and a 'slim' session every week too. The slim is essentially a diet review and your measurements get taken. Plus there are teams and you compete. Not sure if it's kilos lost or hours clocked that they're going to be competing over. It's something to think about and I put my name down as interested but not confirmed. Not sure how much it costs extra either.
Doc all but ordered me to the gym after he had the update on my mood. And well it works damnit. Exercise makes me happy and happy hannah's aren't so inclined to want to kill themselves.
Wade has instructions to get my flabby arse to the gym if I'm misbehaving or cranky. Effects are almost immediate - but short lived. |
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| 15 wks |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|11:34 am] |
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The bubba peanut is a week ahead of itself in terms of size. Go bub! |
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| Hmmm |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|08:21 am] |
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I won a turkey! So um, now I need to think about what to stuff up its butt and how to cook it. I know people out there have cooked turkey before... any suggestions? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|10:14 am] |
As a pagan I really suck. (So much so I don't call myself a pagan anymore)
I don't do midsummer until the moon says I should.. and frankly right now when it's neither new nor full does not inspire me to celebrate. I like to celebrate outside (in the wind - way to go air sign girl) and *mental blank* umm baby brain...
So in summary, I suck. I will celebrate my 'hey look it's the middle of summer' joy when the moon and I feel more in sync. Right now I feel like shit.
In other news:
On Thursday Wade and I are bushward bound. As much as I would really love to stay in the city and make demands on other people's holiday time. I also don't want to be anywhere but home. Yes the farm is still home. It took years of living there to think of it like that - I was so bitter about the move when it happened. But now it's home - still more home than the house I'm paying off and living in every day. Soon, I keep telling myself, this house will feel like my home. But I haven't been able to get to know it much yet. Dace takes up a lot of time - that is about to all change. No, I'm not shipping him out to Asia.
Going to the farm for the next week or so will be really good. I get to see my dad, whose cancer has come back for vengeance. This time round my dad isn't as positive about the fight. Things are painful to think about in that direction and I'm going to endeavor to 'force' a 'talk' about that. Oh joy.
The new year and few days either side see's Qwade wanting to go play. I think he'd feel much more comfortable knowing that wife and child were not at home while he is out, thus Dace and I are staying a few extra days up north. But I shall be back in time to see Annabe! yay!
The new year also brings a welcome relief. We'll have a house guest who is delighted to moonlight as Dace's nanny. Sweet!
This is also giving me hope. I'm planning more cleaning, more gym, and a correspondence course. But we'll see.
And for any who don't know. In mid June the stork (hah!) will be delivering (it better not be a fucking stork!) the next addition to the Francis clan. A not entirely unexpected, but rather unplanned, happy surprise.
2010 then is looking to be a shit of a year an interesting year.
I do want to see y'all. But with my mood being usually a 3/10 (10 is happy) motivation being rockbottom, and self esteem being some theoretical concept they talk about in books... what I want and what happens rarely marries up. Add being somewhat pregnant and carting about a bundle of toddler energy, and well basically I'm just completely fucked by the end of the day. *fingers crossed* I'll do better next year. |
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| Slow day at the office.... |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|01:29 pm] |
It seems ages since I was at school, though it wasn't. I've been trying to think about "what shall I do with it all" but haven't managed to find a solution yet, but maybe eventually. My sewing machine was put away for a whole week before I dragged it out again - to make something for ME! Very excited even if I did sloth out and buy a pattern. I did however make a mock up to fit it properly at least.
Other than that I have been wined and dined quite a bit (fish!) and baked waay too many things involving much butter and pastry from my shiny french cooking book by Julia Child.
Work has improved of late, though I am waiting for that to change again. I seem to cycle. But I do get a Christmas break this year and at the Christmas party next week I may win a ham or a turkey. I don't get to leave early like most of Monash, but I might win a ham. This concept pleases me as I have never baked a ham myself or ever cooked a turkey. *fingers crossed*
Goals of late (as I'm early in my "end of year" type thoughts) include:
losing weight/get fit! I did lose some weight early in the year when I was doing the c25k running program but that all ended with full time work pretty much and then I gained all the weight I lost back plus some to the point where I'm now as heavy as I was in first year uni. Bleh.
Acquire some more clothes! I bought two patterns on Monday. One for a v-necked summery dress which I shall make in both knee and ankle length. The green knee length was fitted on Tuesday and cut out last night. The other pattern hopefully fits as it's for a wrap dress, another different dress, a skirt, a wrap style top and another top. I already have some fabric and if I can get the pattern to fit there's my summery work wardrobe done. Except for shoes.
Save money! Speaks for itself really.
Cook more! Goes nicely with the saving money though so far not so well with the losing weight. I'm trying to not go out or buy instant for something I can make so easily and so far I've made a lot of baked goods of fattening. I'm hoping to extend that into healthier things.
So really in the coming year I seem to want to make my own clothes and food, while running, to distract myself from spending money I don't need to. |
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| I can't do this anymore |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|02:42 am] |
These last 2 weeks have been very bad.
I'm flying a little too close to the wire, too close to breaking point.
The last 7 days have seen 2 panic attacks and no higher than 3/10 happy scale (where <1 = suicidal). So being that a 3/10 is a 'good' day things in general are not good.
I screamed at the baby tonight. And I shouted and I let him cry. It's horrible.
I don't know why he just won't fucking sleep!
I cannot keep doing this. I am exhausted. It's getting to the stage where he is too heavy for me to lift. As the pregnancy goes along this is going to get much much worse.
My little man is going to have to grow up way too soon.
He has six months, less, to learn how to sleep through.
I cannot do this with two.
I can't do it with one.
I'm worse than when I was in hospital - the difference being that I have hope of relief in the new year.
oh shit |
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